Confused by Trans Terminology? Your Newbie Guide

So you're into trans women, or you're getting to know a trans person, and you've hit a wall of words you're not quite sure about. Trans, transgender, transsexual, cis, non-binary, AMAB. You want to get it right, and you're a little afraid of getting it wrong.

Take a breath. Wanting to use the right words is already the whole game, and the words themselves are much easier than they look once someone lays them out plainly. So here's a friendly, no-judgement guide to the terminology, written for exactly the person who's keen to be respectful and just needs the map.

We spend a lot of time thinking about language and respect at TS Encounters, so consider this your cheat sheet. Nobody expects you to memorise a dictionary. You just need the basics and a couple of golden rules.

Three golden rules that cover most of it

If you remember nothing else, remember these three. They'll keep you on the right side of respectful more reliably than any long glossary.

First, "trans" is a describing word, not a label you stick on someone as a noun. So it's "a trans woman" or "a trans person," never "a transgender" or "a trans." You wouldn't call someone "a tall," and it works the same way here. Trans simply describes a kind of person, it isn't the whole of them.

Second, mind the space. It's "trans woman," two words, not "transwoman" squashed together. The space matters more than you'd think, because trans is an adjective describing a woman, and the squashed-together version tends to be used by people who mean it unkindly. Same goes for "trans man."

Third, skip "transgenderism." It sounds technical and neutral, but it's mostly used by people hostile to trans folk, and it turns a group of people into an -ism. Just say "being trans" or "trans people."

Get those three right and you're already ahead of most people.

The words that actually matter

Here's the core vocabulary, in plain English.

Trans / transgender describes someone whose gender is different from the sex they were assigned at birth. The two words mean much the same thing in everyday use.

Cis / cisgender is simply the opposite: someone whose gender matches the sex they were assigned at birth. It isn't an insult, it's just the counterpart to trans, the way "left-handed" needs "right-handed" to make sense.

Trans woman is a woman who was assigned male at birth and lives as, and is, a woman. Trans man is a man who was assigned female at birth and lives as, and is, a man.

Non-binary covers people who don't sit neatly as simply a man or a woman. Some non-binary people also consider themselves trans; some don't.

AMAB and AFAB mean "assigned male at birth" and "assigned female at birth." You'll see them online. They describe something that happened at someone's birth, not who a person is now, so they're best used sparingly rather than as a way to categorise someone.

Identity, expression and body are three different things

Here's the single idea that clears up most of the confusion, and it's worth slowing down for.

The words trip people up because they're actually describing four separate things that often get mashed together. Once you pull them apart, it all clicks.

There's a person's gender identity, which is who they know themselves to be inside. There's their gender expression, which is how they present, clothes, hair, style, the outward stuff. There's the sex they were assigned at birth. And there's who they're attracted to, which is a completely separate matter again.

None of these dictates the others. Someone's identity isn't decided by how feminine or masculine they look, and neither identity nor expression is decided by the body they were born with. When you keep these as separate dials rather than one big switch, terms like "trans woman" or "non-binary" stop being confusing and just become accurate descriptions of one of those dials.

"Transsexual" and "TS": the older words

You'll notice this site, and plenty of people, still use "transsexual" and "TS." Worth explaining, because it's a common point of confusion.

"Transsexual" is an older term. Some trans people still use it happily for themselves, often to signal that they've medically transitioned, and that's completely their call. Others find it dated and prefer "trans" or "transgender." The safe rule: it's fine as a word people choose for themselves, but don't apply it to someone else unless they've used it first. The same goes for "TS." These terms also show up a lot in how people search online, which is why you'll see them around, but in conversation, "trans" and "transgender" are your reliable, respectful defaults.

A word on the terms best left behind

There are older and cruder words floating around, some merely dated, some genuinely offensive, and you may have seen them, especially in corners of the internet.

You don't need a list of the worst ones. The simple guide is this: if a word frames a trans woman as some in-between thing rather than a woman, or if it's the kind of word you'd only have encountered in porn or as an insult, leave it out of how you speak to and about people. "Transvestite" is dated. "Biological male" or "biological female" tends to land badly and is best avoided. And the harsher slurs, you'll know them when you see them, have no place in a respectful conversation.

None of this is about walking on eggshells. It's just that the respectful words are genuinely easy, so there's no need to reach for the ones that sting.

The terms you'll see on a site like this

A couple of specific ones worth knowing, since you'll meet them here and elsewhere.

Trans escorts refers to verified trans companions you can browse and book, which is one side of what this platform offers. If that's what you're looking for, the trans escorts directory is where those profiles live.

Trans dating is the other side: meeting trans people for dating and genuine connection rather than companionship bookings. If that's more your speed, the trans dating community is built for exactly that.

Both are simply descriptive terms, and knowing the difference helps you find what you're actually after.

Pronouns and the rule under all the rules

Pronouns, quickly: "she/her" for a trans woman, "he/him" for a trans man, and "they/them" for many non-binary people, though the only real way to know is that a person will tell you, or it'll be clear from how they present. If you slip up, correct yourself lightly and move on. No grand apology needed.

And underneath every rule in this guide is one simple principle that'll carry you through any gap in your vocabulary: talk about a person the way you'd want to be talked about. Don't quiz someone about their body or their medical history as small talk. Lead with warmth. Treat the woman or man in front of you as exactly that. Get that right and the occasional wrong word will be forgiven easily.

Now you're speaking the language

Getting the words right is mostly three habits: use "trans" as a describing word and never as a noun, keep the space in "trans woman," and skip "transgenderism." The key vocabulary is simpler than it looks, trans, cis, trans woman, trans man, non-binary, and it helps to remember that identity, expression, body and attraction are four separate things. "Transsexual" and "TS" are older terms that are fine when someone chooses them for themselves but not to apply to others. Leave the dated and cruder words behind, because the respectful ones are easy. And when in doubt, be kind and treat people as who they are. That's ninety percent of it.

If you're still finding your feet with all of this, our guide for anyone attracted to trans women but not sure where to start is a gentle next read, and if you've been wondering what your attraction says about you, am I gay if I'm into trans women tackles that one head on.

Welcome. You're clearly trying to do this well, and that already puts you among the good ones.