How to Make Your First Trans Friend

Here's something that comes up more than almost anything else, quietly, from trans people everywhere: everyone online seems to have a whole group of trans friends, and you have none.

Maybe you've been out for years and still don't know another trans person in real life. Maybe you've just started and the loneliness has crept up on you. Maybe you've got lovely, supportive people around you already, family, a partner, cis friends who genuinely try, and yet there's still this ache for someone who just gets it without you having to explain.

That ache is real, it's common, and it's nothing to be embarrassed about. This is a warm, practical guide to making that first trans friend, from people who've been exactly where you are.

We think a lot about how trans people find each other at TS Encounters, so let's talk about how it actually happens.

First, the thing that changes everything

Before the where and the how, one idea that quietly makes the whole thing easier. It comes up again and again from trans people who've done this, and it's worth taking to heart.

Being trans, on its own, is not a friendship.

That sounds blunt, so let me explain, because it's actually freeing. A lot of us go looking for "a trans friend" as if transness alone will be enough to build something on. Then we meet another trans person, realise we have nothing else in common, and feel like we've failed. But you wouldn't expect to be close friends with someone just because you both have brown hair.

The people who build real, lasting trans friendships almost all say the same thing: it happened through a shared interest, and the other person just happened to be trans too. The transness is the lovely bonus, the thing that makes you feel understood on a deeper level. The friendship itself is built on the same stuff any friendship is: a laugh, a shared obsession, an easy hour in someone's company.

So the goal isn't really "find a trans person." It's "go where your people are, be open about who you are, and let the trans friendships form naturally." Everything below is just different ways to do that.

The routes that actually work

There's no single right way, and different ones suit different people. Here are the ones that come up over and over, so you can pick whatever fits your nerve and your life right now.

Trans support groups and LGBT centres. The most reliable starting point by a mile. Most towns and cities have a trans or wider LGBT group that meets regularly, and they exist precisely so people can find each other. It can feel daunting to walk in the first time, everyone says that, and everyone also says it got easier fast. You don't need to have your life together to go. You just need to turn up. A lot of first trans friendships start in a slightly awkward circle of chairs and a cup of tea.

Hobby and nerd communities. This one is almost a running joke in the community, because it's so reliably true. Dungeons and Dragons, board game nights, Magic: The Gathering, video games, the alt and goth scene, all of them are absolutely full of queer and trans people. Join the thing you actually love, and you'll often find your people are already there. Better still, the friendship comes ready-made with something to do together, so there's none of that "so... we're both trans, now what" awkwardness.

Going out and community events. Queer nightlife and Pride events are a classic way in, and you meet enough people that you start to get folded into the wider trans network in your area. If a big night out feels like a lot, our guide to a trans night out in London walks through the friendliest, gentlest ways to do it, and the same principles apply in any city: pick the low-key venues, go a bit earlier, and choose an event with a built-in reason to be there.

Online. For a lot of people, especially anyone shy or in a rural area, online is where the first friendship happens, and there's nothing lesser about that. Trans Discord servers, friendship-focused apps, subreddits, interest communities, all of them work. Plenty of people meet online first and then meet up in person once it feels right. A gentle warning from the community, though: some trans Discord servers skew very young or can be a bit much, so shop around until you find one that fits your age and vibe.

Just being openly you in the spaces you already move through. This is the slow, quiet one, and it works more than you'd think. Stay yourself at work, in your hobbies, in your friend groups. Over time, one of a few things tends to happen: you meet another trans person, someone earlier in their journey approaches you for a bit of company, or a cis friend says "oh, you should meet my friend, they're trans too." You don't have to force it. You just have to be findable.

If nerves are the thing holding you back

Let's be real about the bit that stops most people, because it's usually not a lack of options. It's anxiety.

Almost everyone who's done this describes the same fear before their first group or event: that they'll be judged, that they won't fit, that they're somehow "not trans enough" or "not far enough along" to belong there. Boymoding, early in transition, not into the stereotypical queer things, whatever the specific worry, the feeling of being a fraud is incredibly common. And it is, gently, almost always wrong.

There is no test to pass. There is no right way to be trans, no minimum amount of transition you need before you're allowed to want community. The people in that support group were nervous their first time too. The trick that works for nearly everyone is simply to show up more than once. First time, you're a bundle of nerves and you barely speak. Second or third time, a couple of faces are familiar, someone remembers your name, and a nod becomes a hello becomes an actual chat.

Connection is built on repetition, not on one perfect brave evening. So be kind to yourself, lower the stakes, and just go back.

A gentle note on keeping yourself safe and happy

Two small things worth holding onto.

Not every trans person will be your person, and that's fine. You might go to a group and not click with anyone, or meet someone lovely who turns out to live three hours away. That's not failure, it's just the normal maths of making friends as an adult. Keep gently putting yourself out there and the right people show up.

And trust your gut. Most trans and queer spaces are warm and welcoming, but if a particular group, server or individual ever feels off, you're allowed to leave and try somewhere else. Good community makes you feel safer and more yourself, not less.

The short version

Everyone seems to have trans friends except you, but that feeling is far more common than it looks, and it's fixable. The mindset shift that helps most is this: don't hunt for "a trans friend" in the abstract, go where your interests take you and let the trans friendships form there. Support groups and LGBT centres are the most reliable start. Hobby and nerd communities are quietly full of us. Nightlife, Pride, online spaces and simply being openly yourself all work too. Nerves are normal and not a sign you don't belong, so lower the stakes and keep showing up, because friendship is built on turning up again, not on one perfect night. Your people are out there. You just haven't met them yet.

Ready to find your people? Start with TS Encounters

If reading this has stirred up how much you'd love a bit of community, that's exactly what we're here for.

TS Encounters is a warm, inclusive space built for trans people and everyone who admires and connects with them. It's a place to meet people on your own terms, whether you're after friendship, dating, or just the relief of being somewhere you don't have to explain yourself.

The whole thing is built around respect and safety. Profiles are verified, so the person you're talking to is the person you meet. It's private, easy to use, and there's a genuinely inclusive community across the UK and well beyond, in 12+ languages.

Getting started takes minutes. Have a look through the trans dating and connection community, see who's around near you, and reach out to a few people. It's a low-pressure way to make that first connection, so a quiet week doesn't have to feel so quiet.

Your first trans friend is out there somewhere. Go and say hello.